Attitude of the perfect, But I’m really a reject
Make constant mistakes, Suffer every heartache
Fall in love too quick, Though my heart condition's arctic
And it scares me, So either I flee
Or I push you away, Hoping you’ll stay
I get jealous, While feigning freeness
Too sensitive, So I act passive
Like I don’t care, Or I’m not even aware
Still I’m seen as the wise one, The brave one
That’s my vice, Friends come to me for advice
Say "I respect you, Tell me what should I do"
When its not you, Life’s clear and i give it to them true
They don’t argue, Instead leave me feeling that they learnt something new
They don’t thank for my time, And that’s a goddamn crime
Because I’m still left lonely, My blue eyes blurry
See I have to admit, I’m a bit of hypocrite
Like that bastard i hate, My fathers gift to me- his trait
I tell them live for the day, Leave your scars with yesterday
No regrets, Forgive and forget
Don’t worry about pain, It’ll sting just the same
Wait till you get hurt, Before you bury your head in the dirt
Words of wisdom, But in my own life I’m dumb
Afraid of getting left on the shelf, I always check myself
Actions I think and re-think, My desires I shrink
Because I find it too daunting, To let you know what I’m wanting
I never Just Do I only react, Any emotions revealed I quickly retract
Just backtrack, Until I know I've put my mask back
Expect every first move from you, Just repeat and add ‘too’
For my own security, I want your vulnerability
While I stay safe in my shell, My own private hell
Confined high in my tower, Make believe that’s where I’ve got power
Built on unrealistic ideals, I blame a life of upsetting ordeals
Double standards, When I don’t get my own way I only spiral downwards
Screaming inside when I get burnt, Somehow I still haven’t learnt
To live and let live, Selfish motives I just can’t deal with
Smiles I too easily believe, So I’m constantly deceived
I ask you to be honest, Because I’ll always believe the best
So I’m often disappointed, My careful plans left discarded
That’s why my feelings I disguise, Because I’ll need somewhere to hide
If you ever do lie, I’ll never let you see me cry
Everything feels too real to me, And I cant handle the insecurity
So I keep myself composed, Never let my self control go
Follow you with hopeful eyes, Expecting nothing inside
That way when you do leave my side, It wont be as much of a shocking surprise
Conscious of all these flaws, I'll understand if you’re craving distant shores
The blame won't be on you, In fact you're abandon is well overdue
The blame won't be on you, In fact you're abandon is well overdue
Away from me there’s got to be, An easier girl to keep happy.
Charlotte Gardiner - February 2011
