Shadow

I feel death’s hand 

Tighten on my shoulder 

Realise the pressure 

Remember how I smiled 

Let light through the darkness 

The grip tightens 

And with it floods pain 

The hollow heaviness 

That leaves its mark 

Bruises beneath my eyes 

Then with it the guilt 

In a ripple of regret 

So over-powering 

That I wish it were my death 

But once touched by that hand 

It never loses its grip 

The chill remains 

In the absence of love 

Holds me in this wasteland 

Of pity and loathing 

Of wishing and needing 

A place where helplessness 

Is the air you’re breathing 

Too slowly suffocating 

As life drains away 

Pulled through those fingers of death 

And the enclosing world 

Begins to fade in colour 

Becomes a shade that mourns black 

Sometimes I wish I could cry 

But shedding tears won’t end this 

There was never a beginning 

Still this middle seems endless 

So here I must stay 

Held in this darkness 

With this shadow behind me 

Its owner and mine 

Death’s hand on my shoulder 

Charlotte Gardiner - February 2010